I just lost someone.
We’re sorry. Take a breath.
This page is for families who have just lost a veteran and aren’t sure what to do next. We’ve written it to be as clear and unhurried as possible. You don’t have to do everything at once, and you don’t have to figure it out alone.
Below you’ll find a gentle guide through the first few days — what needs attention, what can wait, and how to begin understanding the VA benefits your veteran may have earned. When you’re ready, we’re here to help.
The first hours
When someone dies at home, call 911 or your local non-emergency line. A medical professional will need to pronounce the death before a funeral home can assist. If your loved one passed in a hospital or hospice facility, their staff will guide you through the immediate steps.
You do not need to call a funeral home immediately. Take the time you need with your family first.
Notify close family
Before making any other calls, take time to notify immediate family. There’s no obligation to handle paperwork or phone calls in the first hour. Be with the people who need you.
Contact a funeral home when you’re ready
When your family is ready, contact a funeral home to arrange transportation. You are not required to use the first one you call, and you can take time to compare. The funeral home will help secure the death certificate — you’ll want to request at least 8 to 10 certified copies, as many institutions require originals.
Locate the veteran’s discharge papers (DD-214)
The DD-214 is the most important document for accessing VA burial benefits. If you can’t find it, don’t worry — it can be requested from the National Archives. This sometimes takes time, so starting the request early helps.
The National Archives eVetRecs system lets families request military service records online. Request a DD-214 →
Notify Social Security
The Social Security Administration should be notified of the death, typically within a few days. In many cases, the funeral home will do this on your behalf — confirm with them. If the veteran was receiving benefits, payments for the month of death may need to be returned.
Documents to gather
You’ll need several documents over the coming days and weeks. Having these organized early will make everything — from VA benefit filings to estate matters — considerably easier. Don’t worry if you can’t find everything right away; most can be requested or replaced.
Working with a funeral home
Funeral homes are required by law to provide you with a General Price List before you make any decisions. You have the right to choose only the services you want, and you are not required to purchase a package. Ask for itemized pricing.
Costs vary significantly by location and type of service. Burial and cremation each have different associated expenses. Let the funeral home know upfront that the deceased is a veteran — some costs may be offset by VA burial allowances, and they should be familiar with the process.
You don’t have to decide everything at once
Funeral homes are experienced with families in difficult moments. It’s entirely appropriate to say you need a day to think, or that you want to speak with other family members before making decisions. A reputable funeral home will respect that.
VA burial benefits
Veterans may be entitled to a range of burial benefits from the Department of Veterans Affairs. Eligibility depends on discharge status, service history, and circumstances of death. The VA determines eligibility — we can help you understand what to ask about and how the process generally works.
- Burial allowanceThe VA may provide a monetary allowance toward burial and funeral expenses, with the amount depending on whether the death was service-connected and other factors. This is paid to the person who covered the expenses, not the estate.
- Interment in a national cemeteryEligible veterans may be buried in a VA national cemetery at no cost to the family. This includes the grave, liner, opening and closing, and a government-furnished headstone or marker.
- Government-furnished headstone or markerThe VA can provide a headstone, marker, or niche cover for eligible veterans buried in any cemetery — not just national cemeteries. There is no cost for the marker itself, though the cemetery may charge for installation.
- Presidential Memorial CertificateAn engraved certificate signed by the President honoring the veteran’s service. Families can request this through the VA at no charge.
- Military funeral honorsFamilies may request military funeral honors — including the folding and presentation of the flag and the playing of Taps. This is coordinated through the funeral home.
- Survivors’ and dependency benefitsSurviving spouses and dependents may be entitled to additional VA benefits separate from burial assistance. A VSO can help you understand what your family may qualify for.
Filing for VA burial benefits
Most burial benefit claims are filed using VA Form 21P-530 (Burial Benefits). The funeral home may assist with some portions, but the family typically submits the claim. A VSO can help you prepare and file to make sure everything is complete.
How a VSO can help your family
A Veterans Service Organization (VSO) is one of the most underused resources available to veteran families. They are accredited by the VA to help prepare, file, and advocate for benefit claims — entirely at no cost to you.
VSOs understand the VA system in ways that most families don’t. They can review your veteran’s service record, identify which benefits you may be entitled to, help fill out the right forms, and follow up on claims — all without charging a fee.
Advocates for your family, at no charge
A VSO representative can meet with you to go over your veteran’s service history, explain what benefits your family may be eligible for, help prepare the paperwork correctly, and represent your family in communications with the VA. Many families find that having a VSO involved makes a meaningful difference in whether and how quickly claims are approved.
If you’re not sure where to start, we can help you understand the process and connect you with resources in your area. There’s no obligation — we just want to make sure your family has access to everything the veteran earned.
What doesn’t need to happen right now
In the days after a loss, it can feel like everything needs immediate attention. Much of it doesn’t. Well-meaning friends, family, and even institutions will create a sense of urgency that isn’t always real. Give yourself permission to let the following wait.
- —Clearing out belongings. There is no timeline. The home and its contents will wait. Take months if you need to.
- —Settling the estate. Unless there are pressing financial obligations, probate and estate matters can typically wait several weeks to begin.
- —Canceling subscriptions and accounts. Most monthly services won’t cause harm if left a few weeks. Don’t let this add to the list of urgent things.
- —Giving away possessions. Decisions made in the first days are sometimes regretted. If people are asking for things, it’s fine to say not yet.
- —Making major financial decisions. Selling property, changing investments, or redirecting accounts — these deserve clear heads. Give it time.
- —Responding to everyone. People want to help and want to connect. It’s okay to take time before returning calls and messages.
Take your time with what can wait
In the days after a loss, well-meaning people will suggest things that need to happen urgently. Some things genuinely do — the funeral home, the death certificate, notifying Social Security. But many things can and should wait.
Changing financial accounts, settling the estate, and making permanent decisions about belongings — these can wait weeks or months. Grief takes time. Decisions made in the immediate aftermath are sometimes ones families later wish they’d given more thought.
Be patient with yourself and each other. There is no correct way to grieve, and there is no deadline on taking care of yourself.
Planning ahead for other veterans in your family
If this experience has prompted you to think about planning ahead for other veterans in your family — or for yourself — we’re here for that conversation too. Pre-arranging a plan means your family won’t have to figure this out under pressure. It takes about 15 minutes, and there’s no obligation.
Organizations that can help
These organizations exist specifically to support veteran families. All are free to contact, and each serves a different need. We recommend bookmarking any that feel relevant to your situation.
The official source for burial benefits, survivor benefits, and all VA services. The burials and memorials section walks through eligibility and how to apply.
Schedules interments at VA national cemeteries. Can be reached by phone at 1-800-535-1117 or through the website. The funeral home can also coordinate this on your behalf.
A nonprofit providing peer-based support, grief resources, and casework assistance to all who have lost a loved one in service to America. Available 24 hours a day.
One of the largest VSOs in the country, with local posts in nearly every community. Can provide benefit assistance, funeral honors coordination, and survivor support.
Another major VSO with local posts nationwide. VFW service officers can help families understand and file VA benefit claims at no cost.
Request a veteran's military service records, including the DD-214, through the National Archives. Processing times vary; starting early is recommended.
You don’t have to navigate this alone.
Whether you have questions about the VA benefit process, need help understanding your next steps, or want to start planning ahead for another veteran in your family — we’re here. No pressure, no obligation.
Reach out to us